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SELFIE STORIES

What does your Selfie say about you? 


What ever the flip you want it to say! Recently I read a few articles about how 'selfies' are selfish, narcissistic...even psychopathic and I really disagree. I mean there are always going to be extremes to anything people get involved in but to label all selfie takers as selfish is rude and judgmental.

Let me take you for a spin down the road of self-love and give you another view of the Selfie.

WHY I SELFIE 


Because, ME! I don't know anyone on the planet that hasn't has a good deal of negativity, self-doubt or insecurities in their life. Growing up I hated that I had a pot-belly, a long nose and pale skin. I was raised in a household where we pretty much got what we wanted and I was frequently called lazy and spoiled. In my teen years I had boyfriends put me down, tell me I couldn't sing, use me to buy them things and other forms of both mental and physical abuse.

I've had many a heartbreak, been betrayed, bouts of depression, self-sabotage, put myself down and times I just wanted to punch myself in the face. Yeah, not good! So in the last several years of 'finding myself' I've learned that self-love is the greatest love. I am valuable. I am enough all by myself and I treat myself as a top priority. I now act as I would toward any other loving relationship in my life. I love taking pictures of my kids, friends, family, boyfriends, husbands, etc. so why should I exclude myself?  

It's very easy to get into a vicious cycle of habitual negative self-talk. We tend to see the bad side in ourselves first so it takes a conscience effort to change it. Every time you see a picture of yourself, compliment it. That is you and you are something special.


Selfies help me see all my flaws and embrace them. Trust me, if you're taking a picture of yourself regularly you're going to see the good, bad and ugly from all angles. I see all my wrinkles, gray hairs, pimples, bags under my eyes, messy hair, flab and sag and have learned to accept it all (but thank God for Instagram filters, right? haha). Seeing my reflection everyday helps me know myself. Not just from my mind, but from my appearance. Like kinda the way others might see me and it helps me improve myself even more. 


The more selfies I take, the more messages I receive from others telling me how much I inspire them. I'm always looking for ways to encourage people, but I really didn't have an intention with my selfies. I've just been living my life, posting about real things (struggles and victories) and people noticed.  When I started posting pics of me working out I had several people tell me it encouraged them to start living a more healthy lifestyle also. When I posted pics of me when I was upset, others chimed in and encouraged me. It also allowed them to vent about what they were going through. And when I post pics of me dancing, acting silly and just loving life in general I received messages that I motivated them to look at life a little differently. I mean, c'mon... what could be better than that?


When I look back over my week, month, or year of selfies I'm reminded what an incredible life I have. I remember the good days and the bad days and both help me. I know I'm living life to the fullest and making memories along the way. I'm also reminded of how many people love me and that I'm never alone. Even in my more relaxed selfies, I see someone I like and trust....ME! I know God is always with me because I can see His light is shining through me. In turn, I love to shine my light out to others and hope to brighten their day somehow.


Selfies remind me to live in the moment. When I'm in the 'now' moment, I'm mindful of everything and everyone around me. I more fully enjoy everything more. I'm more fully engaged in conversations, more into the feelings I'm feeling, aware of all my senses and simply grateful for everything around me. So when I click the button to take a picture it's a reminder to stay present. 
 

SOME SELFIE TIPS

So you see, I think selfies are awesome but if you take it too far it can have a negative affect. First, don't be self-absorbed. I know that sounds contradictory, but there is a difference in being super stuck on yourself, and simply loving who you are. A sure sign you might be a little conceited is if all your selfies are of your body and face and nothing else. Now, before I get a bunch of hate mail... let me clarify. If you have a hot body and cute face, post away.... I'm just saying you should be more than only that. Balance, my friends, balance.

Second, don't only show your good side - be human! It's ok to show your flaws, true emotions and weaknesses. In fact people will love you more for it. You being you, connects you to others being themselves also. 

And finally, don't sit up there taking 54 selfies at a time trying to get the perfect shot. You'll miss the moment. And that's what really matters. 


So let me ask you. Do you selfie? Why or why not?

If you are the woman in this video, Please STOP! 

Oh Excedrin, I want to hate this commercial but the truth is - far too many women act this way!!  

As soon as this lady says, 'Not gonna happen' my immediate response (out loud) was WHY NOT??? 

First off, you're married (or partnered or whatever) - GET SOME and get it often!! 

Ladies, ladies - c'mon now. If this is you, you need to STOP. 


Stop buying into the lie that sex is:
  1. For special occasions (do it twice on special occasions!)
  2. Boring (you're doing it wrong)
  3. A chore (how can you compare scrubbing toilets to sex, it's sex!!)
  4. A treat or reward for your man (your lady parts are not like doggie treats for good behavior ya know)
You are your dude's outlet for sex, romance, and intimacy. He chose YOU! You chose HIM! You are for each other and physical connection is vital to the good of your relationship.

I get it that there are times you just don't feel like it, but it shouldn't be the norm.

If this is you, it's time to think about why. 

Are you really too tired?
Are you pissed off about something he did recently that you're holding in?
Are you guys basically living like roommates who sleep in the same bed?
Are you harboring resentment from past issues?
Do you have medical issues that you've been putting on the back burner? 

Whatever it is, you need the Sort, Simplify, Love process.
  1. Sort - Think about all the excuses you've told him (and yourself) to get out of sex. Write them down so you can see how many excuses there are OR the amount of times you turn down his advance. The amount may shock you. 
  2. Simplify - Look over your list. Is there a common thread to the excuses you're giving? Get very specific on 'why' you aren't feelin the mojo. If you're too tired (for example), why? Are you not getting enough sleep? Are you letting the t.v. suck the energy out of you? Are the kids wearing you out? Is work your new lover?
  3. Love - Take at least one step to get back on the saddle (wink, wink). Find all the ways you can LOVE it. Sooooo many resources are available out there to spark it up. Books, blogs, friends, magazines  - use them! 


The headache excuse was played out in the 50's. Some excuses can be funny but give them often enough and they are relationship killers. In the comments below, tell me one of the best (or worst) excuse you've given for getting out of sex. THEN tell me an idea for making hanky-panky a priority in your life.  Go!
 

The First Step 


When you are just getting started with something, or have to do something unpleasant it can feel like you are trying to move a brick wall. You may be ready to end a bad relationship, start a new one or begin healing from one that just ended.   Sometimes that wall will just be a styrofoam facade that can easily be pushed down. These are the walls that you sit back and wonder, "why did I take so long to try moving passed this wall!"   Other times you will approach a wall and it will literally be a wall. Those are the times you just have to take a deep breathe and choose one of two options... 1) If it is a delicate wall that needs to be preserved you will need to chip at it one brick at a time until there is enough space to get through.   2) Blow that bad boy to pieces with some dy-no-mite!  Get it out of your way and don't look back! If you're having a difficult time getting started try this... tell yourself you will take one baby step. I'm not talking about massive action. This is the time to do something very small so it feels almost dumb to say you can't move forward.   Examples for ending a relationship:
  • Write a list of 3 reasons to stay in your relationship and 3 reasons to leave your relationship. If 3 seems too much, scale back to 1 reason to stay, 1 reason to go.
  • Take 15 minutes to look up apartments in your area to prepare yourself to move if need be.
  • Open up to one friend about your thoughts of leaving
Examples for healing from a broken relationship:
  • Make a list of 3 people you can call when you feel lonely or sad (not booty calls - delete those numbers)
  • Give yourself 10 minutes to look up a few books on healing from break-ups. If the mood strikes you, order it!
  • Get 5 feel good items to have on hand (e.g. cookie dough, chocolate, happy movies) or plan 2 actions (e.g. call mom, take myself on a date, go to friends house) you can do so you'll be prepared when saddness hits.
Examples for starting a new relationship:
  • Require yourself to get out of the house once a week - not counting work, grocery shopping, or getting take out. Go somewhere for at least 20 minutes to get around new people.
  • Look up dating sites for 15 minutes and see if any of them spark your interest
  • Call two friends and suggest a girls night out.

The greatest love affair started with hello The greatest love song started with a note And the Mona Lisa started with a stroke Maybe me and you could be one of those The greatest idea started with a thought If I think hard enough I can win your heart Cause the greatest love story that was ever told Could be me and you You just never know

- The Greatest by Scene 23

Now it's your turn! Leave a comment with ONE baby step you can take today to get you moving forward?
 

Relationship Coaching: What is it and how can it help me? 

 
A relationship coach is a coach who specializes in helping their clients achieve deeper more fulfilling connections with the people in their lives. In simple terms relationship coaching is about human relationships and how to make them better. A relationship coach will generally help a client sort through all life issues but pay special attention to issues surrounding other people. A relationship coach can help a client simplify what is important in each relationship. As the client gains clarity about what they want to achieve the relationship coach can provide support the client needs to build desired relationships.

Relationships

Unless you live on a deserted island and your best friend is a volleyball named Wilson, you have relationships, some of which may be draining. You may try to communicate but sometimes dealing with a particular person seems like an impossible feat. Even in the best of times certain relationships may feel scary because you fear losing that relationship. Every relationship has it’s ups and downs and a relationship coach is there to walk with you through the good and bad. Below are the various types of relationships, issues within those relationship areas and how you may use a relationship coach to grow, nourish or save those relationships.

Self

The most important relationship a human has is the relationship with self. You may argue that self comes after a relationship with God, and this's a good point, but if you really think about it this is a fine line. Before you can choose God you have to understand who you are, your beliefs and how it relates to God. If you choose to follow God, at that time He becomes number one on the list and takes a commanding role in your life.   Finding peace within yourself may be the most difficult goal to reach. This is because you and I have stuff. Stuff is everything in our lives that we have (physical), feel (emotional), think about (mental) or love (spiritual.) And oh how we love our stuff. Sometimes we even love our bad stuff because even though it’s painful, it’s comfortable. To get to a centered place within ourselves we need to sort our stuff, simplify it, then love what we have (not obsess about what we don’t have.)   A professional life coach can take you through a series of exercises to help determine where you are in each area and where you want to be. From there your coach will partner with you to get to the desired level in each area of life. Getting to a place of love and understanding for yourself is imperative before you can attain what you want from other relationships.

Spiritual/God

Although spirit is not a human relationship, it’s still a relationship that you may want to improve. All relationship coaches may not feel comfortable with this topic as this isn’t traditional relationship coaching as it applies to dating, marriage and the like. Within the deeper sense of the word relationship I find it important to offer this area of coaching to my clients because relationship with God and the values that come with it can influence many decisions and choices in your life.

Dating

When teenagers start dating in high school, there is no handbook or manual on how to treat each other. As teenagers grow into adults they base their dating behavior on several factors such as their parent’s relationship, friend’s relationships, scenarios he or she has heard in the music they listen to, and couples he or she has seen on television. Most relationships in our younger years are based on physical attraction and not much thought is put into who we are choosing to date. Over time we want to settle down but since we haven’t had much practice in the art of getting to know someone we end up going out with the wrong people.   If we’ve had a few breakups along the way or a divorce, re-entry into the dating arena can be intimidating. A good relationship coach can help you define specifically what you want in a date. Getting to the root of why you want someone in your life and how to make it happen is all within reach with the help of a coach. For those actively dating, a relationship coach can evaluate some of your dates and create an awareness around what was good and what will bring you better results on future dates.

Committed / Exclusive / Engaged

Many people do not know how to communicate, compromise, handles stress, or work through issues with their partner. This leads to frustration that can turn into sadness, anger, and even violence. Many people also have never been taught to honor commitment. When one or both people in a relationship are not committed, infidelity is more likely to occur.   Many couples date a few times and get married based on lust or the butterflies they get when they are around the other person. This is usually a recipe for disaster because they don’t know much about each other. Couples might think that just by living together they will get to know each other more deeply, but studies shows that approximately 40% of cohabiting couples breakup within five years.   The concept of courting is practically nonexistent. A courtship is the period during which the wooing of one person by another takes place. This 'wooing' is a time to seek the favor, affection, or love of another person. Courtship is the time to get to know each other, ask questions, and learn how the other person thinks about important topics. Without courtship, couples enter marriage and do not know how to communicate or deal with issues that arise. Some couples enter marriage without even knowing their partners income, thoughts about raising children, past indiscretions, or career goals. Couples need to discuss these and many other topics prior to marriage because some issues are dealbreakers that may end the marriage.   Hiring a relationship coach who works with couples allows the couple to discuss the topics mentioned above in a safe and confidential space. The idea is to prevent divorce so couples coaching would focus on topics that tend to lead to divorce such as money, infidelity, family relationships, children, work, and communication. When I became aware of relationship coaching I began to realize how many of my friends could have benefited from this type of coaching before divorcing their partner, including myself. Having a coach there to guide a couple deters drive-thru marriages and prevents non-compatible couples from entering a marriage that was not going to last. Premarital coaching also gives a couple the tools to set up boundaries that would protect against money issues, infidelity, and domestic violence.

Married

The population of married couples in America is in trouble. When a couple marries, most do so with the intention of staying married but in the United States approximately half of those couple’s divorce. This is not just an unfortunate occurrence; this is a tragic epidemic causing a breakdown in society.   Several studies report that divorce is one of the most stressful events in a person’s life. The separation from a partner can be devastating and lead to depression, low self-esteem and suicidal thoughts or actions. The effects of divorce on children are equally, if not more, damaging. Those children are more likely to have psychological problems and poor relationships.   In my research I found plenty of resources for those wanting to pursue divorce, but very few resources for married couples wanting help with their marriage. Most couples seek help through marriage counseling once their marriage shows signs of distress. At that point it is more difficult to repair the damage of built up resentment for one another. Marriage counseling is helpful but a stigma exists that it is a long tedious process with little to no results.   This is where a relationship coach can be of great value. Partnering with a relationship coach early in the marriage establishes a foundation based on respect, commitment, and communication. Even if a marriage is in trouble, coaching is very proactive and can get to the heart of most issues. Many times a relationship coach will work with each person separately helping them work through individual struggles, then bring them together for couples sessions for resolving conflicts. A relationship coach may also facilitate marriage retreats, seminars, and classes to encourage further progress for the couple.

Divorce / Breakups

Regardless of good intentions, divorce happens. I don’t personally know of one couple who starts out their relationship saying, “I’m glad we’re getting married, but I can’t wait to get divorced a few years from now.” Couples in love want to stay in love. They want security, companionship and someone to grow old with. Along the way though trouble springs up and without the tools to work through these issues resentment builds. If one part of the duo wants to leave there isn’t anything the other can do to stop it. When a relationship ends it’s devastating to both people. What once felt whole and familiar is no longer and there is a sense of confusion and betrayal. Every person deals with the loss in different ways so it isn’t always clear how to move forward.   A relationship coach or one specializing in grief coaching can help by gently guiding the person through the the stages of grief. Creating a strong awareness and vivid clarity can help a person find something to hold onto during this trying time. In the acceptance stage a relationship coach can help a person move forward when they are ready to explore new relationships as well.

Family / Friends / Business Associates

Most of the time a person will hire a coach for help with romantic relationships, but relationship coaches can also help with other relationships as well. Many people lean on coaches for help with parenting issues, trouble with their parents, in-laws, other relatives or even friends.   Another area a relationship coach can help is with business associates and coworkers. If we start working at age 16 and retire at 65, that's 49 years of work, or with an average 40-hour working week 91,250 hours! That’s a lot of time to be around co-workers and many issues will arise over the years. A relationship coach or corporate coach can help navigate through some of the muck and help sort out any work related issues that cause workers to be unproductive or stressed.

What to look for in a Relationship Coach

As you’ve read through the relationship categories above you may be thinking you could benefit from working with a relationship coach but don’t know where to start. The easiest way is by doing a Google search for Relationship Coach but don’t stop there. Choosing a relationship coach is like choosing a mate. You want someone who is honest, trustworthy, has integrity and can help you become a better version of yourself. During your search look for a coach who provides a coaching style that fits your personality and look for several testimonials from other clients on their website as well.   Although it isn’t necessary for a life or relationship coach to be certified I believe it is important. Certification shows a commitment to the coaching process and a willingness to adhere to ethical standards. A certified coach has had specific training to provide a solid framework for the coaching sessions.   Above all, I recommend going with your gut feeling, spirit, or intuition. When you come across a coach’s website and everything you read has you saying, “That’s me!” that’s a good sign he or she might be the coach for you. The good news is that almost every coach I’ve come in contact with offers at least one complimentary coaching session so definitely take advantage of it. Make sure you feel completely comfortable with your coach before committing to a coaching agreement.   Relationship coaching is an incredible way to become more connected to those you love and care about. Along with building relationships you will find yourself becoming more centered and at peace with who you are as well. When relationships with others are going well and you are happy with yourself life is just a little bit sweeter. In turn you will be kinder to someone else and they will be kinder to the next person and so on, and so on.  

Remember, we all stumble, every one of us. That's why it's a comfort to go hand in hand. ~Emily Kimbrough

Choose Love 



Driving down the road near my house I've probably seen this wall hundreds of times. Today I actually SAW it. It looks like someone spray painted it and someone else tried to power wash it off. This makes me enjoy it even more. It's so indicative of love because once it's written there's always an impression on your heart. Even if you blow up this wall the mark will still be there. It may be on a thousand pieces but it's still there. Love might fade but it never really goes away, not if it was really true.

And while we're on the topic of love let me just say that for a long time I bought into the fact that sometimes love just isn't enough. But it is. The love I have in ME is enough. The love someone else has is out of my control, nor would I want control over that. It's theirs to give (or not give) freely. God makes it clear that love never fails. He created it so He should know. We fail each other because we are selfish. We want love but we want it our way. Love also gets driven out by fear. That doesn't mean love failed it means we didn't choose love, we chose fear.

Next time, choose love.

What love will you choose today?

Write your own life's story 



"Write your own life's story".... but what if you have writer's block? What if you had the book almost written then someone burned it before you could complete the happy ending?

It's time to start over but the blank white page is blinding. The options are wide open - I can write it anyway I like. That's both scary and exciting, worrisome and wonderful. Whatever I write will guide me in one direction or another and each path has it's own ups and downs. I know God will light the way for me, but the beginning is always hardest part.
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POPULAR POSTS

THE FIRST STEP

RELATIONSHIP COACHING: WHAT IS IS AND HOW CAN IT HELP ME?

CHOOSE LOVE

WRITE YOUR OWN LIFE'S STORY

 

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